Saturday, December 17, 2005

 

Guilt, the gift that keeps on giving

Guilt, the gift that keeps on giving. - Erma Bombeck

I cried when I heard that Erma died. I cried because I felt I had lost a kindred spirit - another soul who shared my finely honed appreciation for the absurd.

I have yet to meet a mother who, at one time or another, has not felt guilty. I think this is especially so for single moms because we have no one else to blame but ourselves.

There are times I find myself feeling guilty because there is so much more I wanted for my kids. I wanted them to go to college. I find myself chastising myself for not spending more time with them. Perhaps if I had done so, they would have gone to college.

I see them now struggling to make their way in life with low-wage jobs and feel somehow I have failed them. Failed to impart the importance of higher education. While growing up in the Bronx projects I constantly heard, "Educate to elevate". I knew that I would be imprisoned in dead-end jobs unless I found a way to educate myself. How could I have failed to instill the same knowledge and imperative in my own children?

Guilt, the gift that keeps on giving.

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