$300 houses

When I can't sleep at night I watch infomercials.

I think I've seen just about every ab-busting, steam-cleaning, crows feet-erasing, pimple-blasting, infra-red-roasting, hair-straightening, ice-crushing, scrap book-decorating, jewel-dazzling, trans-fat-eliminating, hepa-filtering, cellulite-melting, drop-shipping, internet-marketing, stock-trading and real estate-buying gizmo, lotion, potion, plan or scheme imaginable.

In those wee, small hours of the morning when I'm tossing from side to side, too tired to get up but too awake to really sleep, it somehow helps to know that somewhere out there somebody else is up, just like me, but with a credit card in hand. That's kinda perverse isn't it?

There's something about listening to all those testimonials from people just like me, who've gone down 4 dress sizes, tamed their nappy heads, took 10 years off their face and made $5,000 in one day that just makes me want to believe that indeed, all things are possible. Nothing gives my REM-cycle deprived brain more pleasure than hearing their affable claims of wealth, health and happiness.

At 2am this morning, after watching the 2 previous infomercials (one on the Shark floor steamer and the other on the Cricut - which I think is really cool in a Bedazzled, let's enter my two-year old in the Little Miss Sunshine pageant kind of way and something I'd be tempted to buy if I had small kids at home), I watched one about a real estate plan to buy houses for as little as $300.



This infomercial claims that you can buy houses in the US and Canada and own them free and clear simply by paying the back taxes on a defaulted property. Of course most people don't know about this little trick but you can learn how to make your fortune by purchasing the kit that will show you how.

During the program they showed photos of all types of houses and land that people had bought for mere hundreds of dollars then turned around and made a great profit when sold for their market value. As I watched the photos of the houses all I kept thinking was, "What happened to the people who used to live there?" If, as was claimed in the infomercial, there are millions of defaulted homes up for grabs, what happened to the people who once owned them? Did the Rapture happen when I wasn't looking?


Not only did the whole thing gave me a creepy House of Sand and Fog vibe but it reminded me of shysters selling Mississippi bottom land. Fortunately for Canadians, these tax sale property schemes aren't as easy as that infomercial would lead you to believe.

Yes, the bank and finance companies do foreclose and put properties under power of sale. People do loose their homes but the whole thing is a process that takes time and the owner has right up to the closing date to pay off the mortgage. Furthermore, lest they be sued, the bank must make every effort to sell the house for its true market value. Even in the cases where a property is being sold for back taxes, that amount is the actual amount of taxes due and not "pennies on the value of the property".

This morning I wondered how many cash-strapped, looking-for-a-better-way people dialed that 800 number to charge the $39.99 to their nearly-maxed credit cards. This morning my REM-cycle deprived brain got angry. Angry thinking about all those insomniacs who got duped. Angry about all those people who lost their homes to the greed of sub-prime mortgage speculators. And damn it, I couldn't fall back to sleep!

Chillin' with my peeps....

Ok, don't laugh but this has been a childhood dream of mine - I want chickens.

Somewhere deep inside this city-born gal lurks a farmer. Maybe it was all those summers I spent on my uncle's farm mucking out horse stalls or sitting on my grandma's porch shelling peas that caused me to harbour this desire. I can't say where the desire comes from but I do know that I've been the happiest I've ever been since moving out to the Lair.

This spring Lise and I decided to take a part of our yard and make it into a vegetable garden. Out of those plans, and with much research, we decided to raise composting worms (eisenia foetida) to use their castings as fertilizer in our garden.

We started with a couple of plastic totes and a few pounds of worms and now we have a 55 gallon barrel in our shed brimming with beautiful worms. We're using the totes as incubators for the worm cocoons and baby worms and will be starting another 55 gallon barrel very soon. Our neighbours tease us and call us the worm farmers and ask when they can expect to see us taking the worms out for exercise.

We were a bit hesitant to tell the neighbours that we had worms (yuk, yuk) but when we told them about our little worm ranch, they smiled and said, "We're zoned agricultural so you could have a cow in your yard if you wanted to." At first I thought they were joking but when I dug up the tax bill and deciphered all the abbreviations on the page, sure enough, we ARE zoned agricultural. While a cow would provide all the manure we'd ever need to feed our worms, I think our neighbours would have something to say especially as soon as the wind blew a certain way. Anyway I started thinking - gee, maybe I could have those chickens I've always wanted.


Our property is more wide than it is deep so we don't have much of a backyard. Having chickens would mean trying to figure out a way to keep them in a small space. Since we have more room to the front and side of the house, I thought I'd like to put them there. When Lise and I talked about that we discussed how chickens, if left in one place, can quickly turn a nice lawn into a not-so-nice lawn. So that meant we'd have to find some way to move the chickens around regularly.

The other thing we needed to consider was all of the feral cats in the area. Sure, we could nail a little coop together and let the chickens free-range in the fenced in portion of the yard but that idea seemed too much like tying a goat to a stake in the T-Rex paddock.

We've spent the last three weeks looking for solutions and finally decided we are going to build an ark. In North America this type of coop/run design is known as a "tractor" but in Britain, they call them "arks".

We bought a set of plans from Catawba Convertible Coops upon which to base our design and then I saw The Henley and fell in love. So with graph paper and mechanical pencil in hand, Lise and I are going to design something that incorporates the features of both. We're already arguing about the colour - she wants to paint it blue and I want to paint it barn-red with white trim so we may have some arm-wrestling to do.

The Harrow Fair is being held at the end of August and that's where I'd like to find some hens, so I'd like to have our ark built before then. I'm not sure which breeds are available in our area but there are two breeds I'm particularly interested in: Ameraucanas and Barred Plymouth Rocks. I've already warned Lise that when we go to the fair I'll be spending most of my time in the poultry barn chatting people up.

Meanwhile, I'll be cutting up wood scraps trying to figure out if I can cut these angles with a protractor and circular saw or if I really need to rent a miter saw. If all goes well and we still have all ten digits in place, we could have next year's spider problem solved and be eating our own eggs to boot.

Ashes, ashes, they all fall down...

The emerald ash borer has done some major damage to trees here in southwestern Ontario. I've read that 20 million trees are infested and will be killed by this invasive, alien species.

Just last week a crew from the township was in our area identifying trees to be scheduled for removal. Sadly, the big ash tree in the front of our house is one they have tagged. No word yet on when the cutting crews will arrive but we're not happy that we will be loosing such a beautiful tree and one which provides us with afternoon shade.

Make a Free Flash Slideshow

There is a small wood lot at the end of our lane where Lise does her bird watching. A family of red-headed woodpeckers lives in one of the ash trees in this wood lot and this tree is one of the ones marked for removal. On our stroll last night I must have counted 15 trees that have been tagged. Hard to believe that something smaller than a penny can do such damage.

My first town council meeting

Recently the township circulated a letter to area residents informing us that they were holding a zoning meeting to consider the re-zoning of the agricultural land around us to allow wind farms to be installed.

I have no problems with having wind turbines in my area. Unlike some of my neighbours, I don't think they are eyesores (I actually think they are quite beautiful). Nor do I have concerns about noise or red lights shining in my bedroom at night, or even bird migration. I figure that if birds are smart enough to learn not to fly into trees and telephone poles they'll be smart enough to avoid flying into a wind turbine. It's not like the blades of a wind turbine spin as fast as an airplane propeller.

My concern was around the necessity for re-zoning and whether they proposed re-zoning to a light industrial category. The area I live in is a wine region and is also known for the type of soil we have to produce quality seed. Geographically, we are in the southernmost point in Canada. We have Carolinian forests and a climate unlike anywhere else in Canada. I moved here because I wanted to live amongst the vineyards, corn, wheat, tomato and soy bean fields. I like to see the jersey cows and paint horses as I drive to work. What I would hate is to one-day see a widget factory move in where a vineyard once was.

So off Lise and I trekked to the town meeting last night to learn more about what was going on. When we received the notice of the meeting I wrote the town clerk for more information and my request was responded to by the town planner. He answered many of my questions but since I had never been to a council meeting and hadn't had an opportunity to hear both sides of the debate, I felt it was important to attend.

My first impression was surprise at how small the council chamber was. I was glad we got there early because there wasn't enough seating for everybody who came. People were standing in the doorway, spilling out into the hall and with all those people crammed into that small room, it was hot.

The wind power company were the first presenters and I think they did a pretty good job addressing many people's concerns about the wind farm project. After they spoke and the councilors asked their questions, citizens who had asked to be put on the agenda, were given an opportunity to voice their position and ask questions.

Most of the people who came out in favour of the project were landowners who had agreed to lease portions of their land for the turbines. These folks, of course, have a vested interest as they will be receiving royalties for allowing the turbines on their properties. All but one of the folks who spoke in opposition came from a "not-in-my-backyard" place. They didn't mind the idea of wind turbines but didn't want to live anywhere near them. The one woman who did speak in opposition raised some valid points about safety and impact to the local agricultural environment and wildlife. Her arguments were well-reasoned and documented and the councilors put her questions to the power company representatives.

With amendments to increase the set-backs for safety reasons, the council voted in favour of granting the re-zoning application to allow the wind farm project to go forward. The re-zoning was actually a variance to the existing zoning category of general agriculture to allow the wind turbines as a secondary use under the existing zoning. So I'm pleased that the agricultural designation is preserved.

Witnessing this process though has been interesting. It illustrated to me how people really do fear change. Folks seem to be alright with change as long as it remains something "out there" and doesn't mean that they have to adjust anything in their lives. All of the objections I heard last night: my property value will fall, they'll keep me awake at night, I will see them from my house, this will kill the local tourism industry etc. were all examples of fear of change.

Wind farms may not be the panacea for eliminating our dependence on fossil fuel or nuclear powered generators, but it is a first step towards something more sustainable. It's one of the things we can do right now if only we have the courage to face our fear of change.

Internet Service Rant

Well, I'm back. After a week without internet here at the Lakeside Lair I'm back. What an odyssey these last few months have been.

My, so-called, high-speed provider, Xplornet, declared me "unserviceable". Just over 2 years ago they installed a 900MHz transceiver on my roof (to the tune of $400) so that I may have a 1.5Mbps connection to the internet. I should mention that because I live in a rural area we don't have DSL or cable internet so apart from dial-up, at the time, this was my only option.

For the entire duration of my contract I have had connectivity problems. I would connect then the connection would go down, connect, go down, connect, go down. On a good day this would happen every 5 to 15 minutes. Lately it's been cycling like this every 45 to 60 seconds. When I was able to maintain a connection, the speed was fine but I would go days without even being able to connect.

Repeated calls to their tech support were futile and finally about a year ago the tech person told me that they don't guarantee speeds or connectivity and basically said, "piss off". So this May I had enough. My contract with them had expired so I called to ask them what the procedure was for canceling my service.

Well don't you know that within 24 hours I get a call from one of their support supervisors asking me why I would ever want to leave them. To say I gave her an earful would be an understatement. She sent an installer out to take a "reading" to see about my signal strength. When I talked to her I asked that she send someone to replace the modem on my roof. I believed it was defective and probably had been the entire time. When they did the initial install 2 years ago it took them 6 weeks to get it working and I had to tell them to either get it to work or come and get their equipment off my house.

So the installer guy comes out and guess what? Every thing's working fine. I asked him if he was going to replace the modem and he told me he was on orders not to do that but to simply check my signal and if necessary, hone my signal in to a narrow portion of the 900MHz band. He set me to 924Mhz. He left and the next day I had the same problems. I've been calling this tech supervisor almost every week since then and last week finally said, "Look, yes or no. Can you get me a reliable, stable connection. Yes or no. That's all I need to know." She said absolutely yes, they could get me a good connection. So waited all week for a call from their installer. I was still able to use the internet off and on. Last Sunday night I was able to get on for about an hour. Monday morning I thought I'd go online and pay a couple of bills and guess what? Yep, no internet.

In exasperation I tell Lise (my little sergeant - oh how I love a woman in uniform - oops, I digress) to call this supervisor. The supervisor says due to interference in the area, Xplornet has deemed us unserviceable and will not send a technician to service their equipment. (see, we paid for the equipment but we don't own it - I generally like to be kissed first before being screwed) She goes on to tell Lise that since they can not provide us with wireless service we now qualify for an upgrade to their satellite service and as a courtesy, they will waive the initial system access fee of $49. Our cost? Oh, only a mere $299 to purchase the equipment, $100 license fee and she'd put us on a monthly plan that starts (without a 3 year contract) of only $59.99.

What she didn't tell Lise was that the installation fee was another $299 and the "inexpensive" monthly fee she quoted was for the package that allowed speeds of up to 512kbps (a third of what we had been paying $48.77 for with wireless) and that our download threshold was 200MB per day. Can we say, HELL NO!

So, knowing that Xplornet was the only wireless provider in my area I began to research satellite internet. I found that HugesNet does supply satellite internet to Canada and does so through three Canadian resellers the third of which is Xplornet. I called the other two companies and their hook up fees were so expensive and their monthly usage packages weren't much better than Xplornet's.

In the meantime I hooked up our old dial-up account. What's interesting is that after I had it set up, Lise said that because of the cutting in and out that we had with Xplornet, the dial-up was just as fast and even better because at least she knew that she wouldn't loose the connection.

What's so galling about all of this is that Bell Canada has a service/maintenance building right at the top of our lane. I simply don't understand why they don't bring DSL to this area. There are hundreds of homes here who would readily sign up. Urrgh!